English isn't my first language, so it's not a perfect text. Hopefully everyone reading it can understand what I tried to say :) So have fun reading // Englisch ist nicht meine Muttersprache, also kann es gut sein, dass sich hier einige Fehler eingeschlichen haben, die hoffentlich keine Verständnisprobleme mit sich bringen. Viel Spaß beim Lesen ^^

"I think I like her," I heard Jesper say to Peppe. Actually, I was just heading back to my hotel room after our trainer told me what I needed to do better in the pursuit tomorrow. I stopped and leaned against the wall next to the room I thought the voices were coming from. I hoped no one would pass me and wonder what I was doing. It would be embarrassing to explain that I was secretly listening to conversations that weren't meant for my ears. My eyes widen. He likes her? It can't be that serious, he would have told me if he liked a girl that much. Hopefully it was a joke. No one likes to hear that their best friend likes the girl they are - not officially - dating. Maybe it was my fault. I should have played with my cards on the table. As a good friend, I should have told him. He should know how I feel about her and how things have been going lately. It is not the first time that Jesper and I have liked the same girl, but last time I gave him his chance and gave up after they started dating. It was painful, but I got over it and understood that I didn't love her like Jesper did. I just liked getting attention from her. So after a few days I accepted that I wouldn't get a chance with her. Not like now with Hanna. I not only want her attention, I want her to like me as much as I like her. I want her to feel safe and comfortable. It's the first time I've really cared about a woman who isn't my sister - or my mother, but that doesn't count. Sadly, Jesper and his girlfriend broke up in June after four years - I think - of dating. Perhaps I should talk to Hanna later. I won't tell her what I've heard, but I need to talk to her about our relationship, about everything that's going on. Jesper needs to know before he does something stupid and gets it in the wrong neck. I don't need to lose this friendship. I want him to know because I told him. So he doesn't think I've been doing everything behind his back, even though I didn't know until now. In the meantime they have changed the subject, so I decided to stop listening to them and go and look for Hanna. I go straight to her room. Hopefully she was there. Sometimes she goes jogging with Elvira when we have a free evening. But it's almost time for dinner. Maybe I can get by her after.

On the way to my own room I met Sebastian, with whom I shared it.
"What are you doing in the girls' corridor?", asked Sebbe. I pressed my lips together. Not even he knows about Hanna and me.
"I was just looking for someone, but - forget it," I told him. To my surprise, he actually believed my lie. What luck!
"You haven't seen Hanna, have you?", Sebastian wanted to know.
"No, I think she went jogging with El. Why? Do you want something from her?" I shrugged.
"Not really. I had a question. That's all. Since when do you care?", Sebastian raises his eyebrow. He was definitely suggesting something.
"Oh, no. I don't really care. I just wanted to know if it's something important," Sebastian doesn't seem to believe my weak excuse. But I could think of nothing better at the time. Moments later I realised how stupid my excuse really was. In fact, I was indirectly telling him that I cared. As smart as Sebbe is, I think he understood. Sometimes you are so stupid, Ponsi. If he knows, I hope he keeps it a secret. Maybe that's why Hanna didn't want to involve the team as soon as possible. She wanted to wait for the right time and situation to announce our relationship. So I have to pull myself together not to reveal us. Sometimes it's really hard, but so far I don't think anyone has found out.
"You're not very good at hiding, Martin," Sebastian spits out. Oh, he knows.
"What are you talking about? I'm not hiding anything," I look at him confused.
"Come on, Martin. You don't ask questions like 'do you want something from her'. Normally you don't care about things like that. I've known you since we were little, believe it or not, I think I know you well enough to know that you're lying to my face right now. But it's okay, I guess. Everyone has their secrets. You don't have to tell me anything. I'm going to pretend that this conversation never happened and that everything is fine. If you wanted to tell me something, you would, and I know and respect that," Sebastian finishes his monologue. He really does know me better than I know myself. And I know he is right.
"It's not obvious, is it?" I ask and look. This wasn't part of my plan.
"For me it is somehow. But everyone else who doesn't know you as well as I do will never notice," he confirms. At least something.

When I entered the dining room, almost everyone else was already seated at a long table with a sign on it. It says 'reserved for the Swedish biathlon team'. Our hotel had kindly reserved a part of the room for us. I sat down on the only free chair at the table. Everyone had already been to the buffet, so mine was the only empty plate. Hanna sat two chairs away from me, next to Sebastian and Anna. Luckily it wasn't Jesper who sat next to her. Although I couldn't do anything about it.
"Martin, are you okay? You look like you want to smash your plate. Don't you want to eat?", Malte - who was sitting next to me - wanted to know.
"Yes, everything's fine," I said, except for the fact that I was imagining my best friend and my girlfriend - "I'm actually on my way," I said, getting up to get something to eat. Even though I wasn't hungry anymore. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hannah's confused look at me. Maybe I really did behave strangely. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's just too much. I don't want Jesper to like my girl and I don't want Sebbe to know that something is going on. Why am I so transparent? At least no one has said a word, although almost everyone has noticed my strange behaviour. Maybe I should talk to Hanna as soon as possible. But she doesn't even look my way. She seems to ignore my presence. Something I could never do. I think I know you well enough to know that you're lying to my face right now. But it's okay, I guess. Everyone has their secrets. You don't have to tell me anything. I'm going to pretend that this conversation never happened and that everything is fine. If you wanted to tell me something, you would, and I know and respect that," Sebastian finishes his monologue. He really does know me better than I know myself. And I know he is right.
"It's not obvious, is it?" I ask and look. This wasn't part of my plan.
"For me it is somehow. But everyone else who doesn't know you as well as I do will never notice," he confirms. At least something.

When I entered the dining room, almost everyone else was already seated at a long table with a sign on it. It says 'reserved for the Swedish biathlon team'. Our hotel had kindly reserved a part of the room for us. I sat down on the only free chair at the table. Everyone had already been to the buffet, so mine was the only empty plate. Hanna sat two chairs away from me, next to Sebastian and Anna. Luckily it wasn't Jesper who sat next to her. Although I couldn't do anything about it.
"Martin, are you okay? You look like you want to smash your plate. Don't you want to eat?", Malte - who was sitting next to me - wanted to know.
"Yes, everything's fine," I said, except for the fact that I was imagining my best friend and my girlfriend - "I'm actually on my way," I said, getting up to get something to eat. Even though I wasn't hungry anymore. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hannah's confused look at me. Maybe I really am acting stupid. I didn't even know myself what's going on. It was just all to much. I didn't want Jesper to like my girlfriend and I didn't want Sebastian to know something was going on. Am I really that transparent? At least nobody said a word, even though all of them must have noticed my weird behavior. I should talk to Hanna as soon as possible. But right now she isn't even looking in my direction anymore. She ignores me. Something I could never- whenever she is in the room I have to look at her at least ten times.

After all, I was the first to leave. Hanna was still sitting there with the others, playing stupid card games like UNO. Ugh, I hate that I just couldn't ask her to come with me because I'm not brave enough. I hardly wanted to talk to her, to be near her. I'm annoyed that she's having fun with the others when I'm so jealous of her. Maybe I could do something else to distract myself. Why is it all at once?

"I think we two should talk, shouldn't we?", I hear a warm voice and look up. Hanna is taking place next to me at the stairs. I actually sat there to think about everything. But I don't know how I didn't hear her coming towards me.
"I guess so", was my short answer and I hated me for that. She always had to squeeze me out to know what is currently going on.
"Martin, let me know what is going on in your mind. I can't help you if I don't know", she looked concerned.
"I know it's just- I don't even know it myself", I confess.
"Maybe you can begin somewhere, and we find the part where it gets so confusing", she put her hand on my cheek. I just nod. And then I have begun to tell her everything that's going through my mind - fine some parts I just left out, maybe the most confusing part.
"Oh Martin, I wish I would have known it would take you so bad", I could fell her guilty conscience even though nothing of it was her fault. I didn't even tell her about what I heard a few hours ago. But I told her about Sebbes suggestions.
"I am sorry that you're worried about me, I didn't want to give you a reason for that", I say with a slightly sad look on my face.
"You know how it is. But you have to talk to me. I can help you if you let me", she said, confident. I couldn't help but smile. What have I done to deserve her?
"I think we maybe should tell the team about us", and suddenly it was all quiet. I wasn't brave enough to look at Hanna. Maybe I was a little bit scared of her reaction - but just a little bit, of course.
"Are you sure? I mean, I don't like it to keep it as a secret, but to announce it? It doesn't feel right", Hanna tried to explain what she was thinking.
"We wouldn't have to pay attention to how we treat each other, but we could finally act normal. Maybe they will notice it on their own, and we don't have to say anything", I tried my best to convince, even though I wanted her to feel respected, and her opinion was as worthy as mine. It is a thing between both of us. No one should decide alone.
"You are right. We shouldn't keep up our play. And maybe I can tell it El, she is my sister. And she always gets on my nerve, why we aren't together, because we would be so cute and so on", now she is also smiling. I grinned.
"That sounds like Elvira. So it is a done deal? No more hiding?", I looked at her.
"No more hiding", she confirms.
"I think I heard someone. Maybe we should get to our rooms", I annotate.
"Sure. Are you coming with me?", she looked at me with puppy eyes. I couldn't say no. So I just nod and followed her. This girl drives me crazy, and I can't do a thing against it - not that I wanted to.


As I woke up the next morning, I was definitely feeling better than the day before. Talking to Hanna really helped me. Now I know what she means when she says "I can help you". It took me a while until I noticed that I am not in my own room. After we talked, yesterday, we went to Hanna's room just to cuddle and be with each other. So we must have fallen asleep. Hanna who is laying in my arms still is asleep. Hopefully I won't wake her up while I try to sneak away. Not because I don't want to stay, but it maybe is not the best way to tell our teammates that we are together by seeing us together in one bed. I looked around. Elvira wasn't even there. Were was she? Yesterday I didn't notice if she got here or not.
"What are you doing?", Hanna asked, as she saw me standing in the middle of the room.
"What does it look like? I mean, you said you didn't want to announce our relationship, so I thought I might be a better idea to not get together to breakfast", I shrugged my shoulders.
"You are right. But can't we stay in bed longer?", she looked at me with a tormented look.
"We have a race today. Both of us. Now get up, sleepyhead", I grinned at her.

Both of us arrived at the dinning room alone. As I first entered the room, I saw Sebastian's face. He looks like he knows something I don't.
"Why are you smirking like that?", I wanted to know as I reached the table.
"You weren't at your bed tonight. May you want to tell me something?", he raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not sure what you mean", I again shrugged my shoulders and took the place next to him. I think I made clear that I won't answer his questions.
"And why are you in such a good mood?", he goes on.
"You don't have to know everything. But today is pursuit day. I like pursuits", I explained.
"I don't believe you"
"Then don't"
Soon the other athletes joined us. Hanna was even brave enough to sit right next to me and not like a mile away like she normally does. Elvira watched us with confusion. I tried not to laugh out loud as I recognized her face.
While eating, I put my left hand onto Hanna's thigh. Suddenly, she turned red and choked. Now even Anna gave us a suspicious look. I couldn't help but shrug my shoulders - as if I wouldn't do anything else. I think they noticed, but they didn't say a word. Furthermore, I mean it's obvious. Hanna is sitting next to me the first time since we are together and suddenly turns red even though nothing - or nothing they could see - happened. Sebbe next to me must have seen my hand. He could have looked straight at it.

After breakfast, all of us are getting ready to drive to the stadion. Soon our pursuit would start. The women will start two hours after us. Nevertheless, they still get there at the same time as we do. So we all together stand in the waiting area. I stand next to Hanna, while she is talking to all her friends and her sister about the upcomming pursuit. All because they had to wait for Linn.
"Martin, I think we have to go", Sebbe screamed nearly across the room. Now everyone knows my name. Thank you, Sebastian. So I leaned towards Hanna to give her a kiss before I got to go. As soon as our lips touched, the other women gasped. I couldn't help but smirk.
"What was that for?", Hanna asked as we pulled away.
"For luck", I said, and went to the boys.

As I got there, I saw Jespers face first. And it looked like I expected. Not filled with joy.
"And why don't you tell us?", he wanted to know. His voice doesn't even sound amused.
"I- What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. I always told you when I got into a serious relationship", he explained, as if I didn't already know what he meant. I didn't know what to say.
"Tell me why, Martin. Why do you always like the girl I like and even worse, why do they always like you back?", as I looked more accurate I could see a tear in his eye.
"What do you mean? I don't understand..."
"Boys! We really should go. I don't want to miss the pursuit and you two neither", Sebbe interrupted us. And I was thankful. Now I have to think about what Jesper said...