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I´ll never be knowing

GedichtSchmerz/Trost, Liebesgeschichte / P12 / Gen
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01.08.2020 547
I don´t know how or why it happened
You said you never wanted to see me again
But, we ended up cuddling by the lakes
Looking at the stars like it would change a thing
We were never meant to be together
Still we can´t stay away from each other

No matter how many times you go for the kill
We always end up both hurt
There´s no way out, just the road leading us in
Do you want me or do you not? I´ll never be knowing
I tried my best to forget you and your playful way
Why do you always want back what you threw away?

We are a ship that sunk before it even set sail
Completely robbed of any destination
The Wreck just like a festering flesh wound
Our feelings buried beneath the waves
There´s no way out just the road leading us in
Do you love me or do you not? I´ll never be knowing

Nothing will ever make you fight off your demons
Not even you know your own feelings
You fear our fragile truth and tell your twisted lies
And you know, darling, I would ruin myself for you every time
Even though you´re killing me slowly each day
I could never bare to finally walk away

Your hands wonder over my exposed skin, caressing what you scarred
Is this how it could be if we were together, if you dared?
You put me through hell, and I still want you
After all this mess, what am I supposed to do?
For four years you´ve held my heart hostage behind the bars of your mind
It´s shattered, just tiny pieces, nothing special, but you can´t leave it behind.

You see into my soul like my eyes are windows at a rainy night
I´ve never understood why you even took a look in this bloody mess
When I was weak you ran to my side to heal me, my anchor, my knight
Afterwards you regretted it and tossed me aside like a figure of chess
We will never be more than what we are now, crippled by our choices
Shivering every time we hear each other´s wonderful, scary, drunk voices

That old bench beneath the sky will haunt me in my dreams forever
My head in your lap, wondering if there could ever be a We again
I still feel the ghostly touch of your warm fingers, forgetting it never
You treat me as your property, you keep me on a chain
You said you´d give me antoher chance, I dont know what for
Yet, I´m wondering when you´ll be knocking on my door

Now it´s on me to finally choose what´s best for me, and that´s not you
I want to be free, to feel a simpler love, someone who´s not making me feel blue
Your eyes are cold when you hate me, but still I see that spark when you´re all over me
Your colour is green, like forests full of trees, mine is blue like an icy sea
I don´t know what kind of bond we do share
But I wish it was not there

There´s no way out just the road leading us in
Do you love me or do you not? I´ll never be knowing
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